Self-Like After The Smoke Clears

Here, on the Salish Sea on this morning, I am making a to-do list for the day. First of all, I am grateful for the smoke from the wildfires having cleared and it’s raining. Being in smoky skies for days is a bit like being trapped in a bubble, affecting your breathing and making you think into yourself. I make a list pretty well every day and sometimes they get mostly done. Recently I have decided to include “compassion for myself” on that list. I write it right at the top of the yellow sticky and take a few minutes, with my hands over my heart, to forgive myself for so many things, and to like myself in the end. To love perchance to like. I was talking about my son to someone the other day and said how much I loved him. Then I thought for a moment... and said that I not only loved him because he is my child, but I also liked him for the man he has become. Smart, compassionate and responsible with a delightful sense of humour. There is a difference--to me anyway. Self love vs. self-like.

I have a friend who has loved and adored her man for 30 years, She told me once that she loved him, but often didn’t like him. He was opinionated and not all that easy to look at but she saw his good qualities. I guess. We are told to love ourselves. Sometimes that isn’t so easy, especially when you have had a lifetime of “aha moments” as in “What on earth was I thinking when I backed the car up with the door open, into a bush and took the door off”. And this doesn’t even compare with “What was I thinking when I fell in love with that man?” Self-love can be a bit heavy on some days.

Maybe we can self-like until the smoke clears.

“Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.”
—Christopher Germer, The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion “You’ve been criticising yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
—Louise L. Hay, You Can Heal Your Life